Palkia's Weed Stall
by CinnamonDragon1
Summary: Arceus banishes Palkia to the Kalos region where he must get rid of his weed. But Palkia is always high, so he meets Thomas the Dank Engine and ends up owning a weed stall in Lumiose City. With the help of an underage Oddish, a retarded Ditto, a wild Jynx, a male Gardevoir and lotsa spaghetti, Palkia slowly sells (and buys back) his weed stash. Rated T to be safe.
1. Weed on Groudon's couch

Palkia was sitting on the couch and smoking weed because Palkia likes weed. He really likes it. HE REALLY likes it.

The point is, Palkia smokes weed everyday on that same couch. That couch belongs to Groudon- and thanks to Palkia, it smells like weed. Groudon doesn't like the smell of weed, so Groudon never bothers with his couch.

Arceus bought that couch for him, so imagine how annoyed he gets when he sees Palkia using it and smoking weed.

* * *

 _One day, in Groudon's house_

Palkia (as usual) was smoking weed on Groudon's weed scented couch. He was wearing a t shirt with weed all over it. Then, a portal opened as Groudon entered his living room.  
"Uuuggghhh" he groaned "Man, I'm never going to Bronycon ever again."  
Palkia heard Groudon and decided to interrupt: "Hey Groudon! I made your couch smell of weed again! Doesn't it smell GOOD?"  
"No Palkia. Bronies don't smoke weed."  
"So why aren't you going to Bronycon?"  
Groudon let out an annoyed sigh "If you didn't interrupt me, you would have heard me say that I'm never going there again WITH KYOGRE. 'Cause that guy's an embarrassment to all of my people."  
"You mean bronies?"  
"Yeah- hey, what did Arceus tell you about smoking weed on my couch?"  
Palkia ran for the portal "4/20 BLAZE IT!" he yelled as he left the room.  
Groudon groaned as he smelt the weed once again. "It's not even April. Aw man, now my couch smells like weed."

Palkia teleported to his dimension and flew to his secret weed stash.

"Oh boy!" he said with a big grin "now I can smoke as much weed as I want!"  
But he couldn't: Arceus was standing right in front of the shed. And he was not happy.  
Palkia tilted his head to get a better look. "A- Arceus? What brings you here?"  
"Palkia." Arceus looked down upon the space pokemon. "Didn't I tell you to get rid of this weed?"  
"Weed? Hehe. What weed?" Palkia fake laughed.  
Arceus bit into the door and threw it away. The weed fell on top of him.  
"Oh. That weed." Palkia sighed.  
"Yes." Arceus said as he shook the weed off. "I told you to get rid of it two days ago. In fact, I've been doing that for a while. do you know how I am going to punish you this time?"  
"Nope. Surprise me." Palkia wore a smug look on his face.  
"Wipe that grin off your face. I'm going to limit your powers, make you go to a region and get you to dispose of the weed. You cannot return until you have disposed of those... things."  
"WHAT!?" Palkia threw his arms up in rage. "You can't make me!"  
"Yeah I can. Watch."

Arceus threw his head back before firing a laser into the door. It sucked Palkia in.  
"NOOOOOOO!" Palkia cried  
"Come back when you have no more weed!" Arceus yelled.


	2. Thomas da Dank Engine

Palkia, followed by a wheelbarrow filled with weed, fell into a tree. When Palkia sat up, he fell from the tree. And when he tried to sit up this time, the wheelbarrow fell on him. Palkia picked up a little weed leaf and smiled.  
"Sweeeet. Now, how do I get rid of you, mah boi? I know! I will get out of this forest and find a fire type! Yeaaahhh." he wheeled the wheelbarrow out of the forest.

When Palkia finally got his fat ass out of the forest, he sat next to the wheelbarrow.  
"Weed." He put his hand on the weed as he quickly scanned the area. "My weed."

[INSERT THOMAS DA DANK ENGINE THEME]

Thomas the Dank Engine chugged towards the weed and Palkia saw him.  
"Who's that pokemon?" Palkia said like those kids on the anime.  
"Bitch, I ain't no pokeman- I'm Thomas da Dank Engine!" Thomas exclaimed as he chugged closer to the weed.  
"NO! MY WEED!" Palkia pushed the wheelbarrow away from the dank engine.  
"U wot m8?"  
"It's my weed! And Arceus told me to get rid of it!"  
"Lol get rekt."  
Palkia growled as Thomas chugged to the weed. "Can you leave my precious weed stash alone!?"  
"Oh I see- you want to keep that weed!"  
"Yeah. Hehe." Palkia laughed awkwardly as Thomas looked at him "Where am I? I know you're not a pokemon, but do you know what region this is?"  
"Well basically yeah, this is da Kalos region. And there's this big ass city called Lumiose where all the french faggots live. And you can get money real quick bro."  
"Why the fuck would I want money?"  
Thomas chugged so close to Palkia that he was breathing smoke onto the legendary's face.  
"Dis fuel is weed- I run on weed 'cause I'm da dank engine. But you need cash to get the stuff, so Imma make a deal: If you can sell your weed in Lumiose City, you can give me $1000 every day so I can buy me some weed. And you can keep the spare cash."  
Palkia thought about this deal. At first, he thought the dank engine was scamming him. But then he remembered that he could use his legendary status to trick people and pokemon into buying his weed. And with the spare change, he could buy some more weed.  
"Yo, Dank Engine!" Palkia said "Deal's on!"  
"Mmkay. Let's go to da city of french faggots."

[INSERT THOMAS DA DANK ENGINE THEME AGAIN]


	3. Underage Smoking

Previously, Thomas da Dank Engine said "Let's go to the city of french faggots". Then Palkia and Thomas went to Lumiose City.

* * *

Now, Palkia and Thomas stood in an empty space in the city.  
"Dis is ur stall" Thomas said as Palkia looked at the green and white striped stall.  
"Seriously?"  
"Yeah. You have a week to give me the money and if you don't do it, you can burn the weed and quit the job."  
"Noooo! I don't wan't to burn the weed!"  
"So sell it noob"  
"HEY!" Palkia yelled at the dank engine as he chugged back where he came from. "This is empty! How do I make it look pretty?"  
Thomas da Dank Engine was gone.  
"Fuck this shit- I'm out." Palkia picked up the wheelbarrow "Come on weed, let's go to a cave somewhere."

As Palkia started to move the wheelbarrow, some weed turned itself around and stood up.  
"HI! I'M AN ODDISH!" the weed chirped.  
Palkia stood there, his mouth wide open in shock. "ERMAHGERD! HOW MANY OF YOU ARE THERE?"  
"Oh, just me." the oddish said as its weed leaf swayed from side to side. "I wanna help with the stall by the way- and you're a legendary! From Sinnoh! I've never seen a Sinnoh legend before! Even on TV!"  
"Yeah. So why do you want to be here? So you can help, right?"  
"And smoke weed! Yay!"  
Palkia looked at the little oddish. Then he looked at himself and the weed before looking at the little oddish again. "And how close are you to evolving into a mature gloom?"  
The oddish squealed in disgust "Eeeew! I don't wanna drool every day! And I heard what you said about mature glooms! HEY! STOP GIGGLING!" Oddish slapped the laughing Palkia. "What's your problem! I'm a level 1! I can handle this all by myself!"  
"WHAT?! YOU'RE A LEVEL 1?! HA! AND WHAT AM I? A LEGENDARY!" Palkia laughed at the oddish. "But seriously, you're too young to smoke weed."  
"Wait, whaat?" the oddish cried. "But I am weed! I am destined to smoke it!"  
"Yeah. All oddishes are weed. You want to smoke your own kind? Fine. I smoke at least a dozen oddishes a day. Beat that one kid."  
"HUMPH!" Oddish puffed its little cheeks out in anger. "I WANNA HELP YOU PAY DA DANK ENGINE! I CAME HERE TO HELP, NOT TO BE TREATED LIKE A KID!"  
"But you are a kid."  
"SO? IT SUCKS TO BE A KID- ALWAYS BEING BATTLED BY NOOB TRAINERS! AND ALWAYS PUT ON WONDER TRADE! I CAME FROM JOHTO! JOHTO! DO YOU KNOW HOW FAR THAT IS? I'M LUCKY I WASN'T EVOLVED 'CAUSE I DON'T WANNA BE A YUCKY GLOOM! I ONLY WANNA HELP! PLEASE, PALKIA! LET ME HELP!"  
Palkia picked up the little guy and squished his little poofy cheeks. "Awww. You're cute! Okay then! I'll let you help."  
"Yay! Now take me back to the stall! Put me in the wheelbarrow so I can be weed!"  
"Okay."

They went back to the stall to smoke weed and stuff.


	4. Transformation Shenanigans

Palkia and Oddish wheelbarrowed their way to the alleyway, but when they went there, there was... spaghetti! And it was moving on the floor!  
"OH MY GOD ODDISH DO SOMETHING THE SPAGHETTI'S ALIVE!" Palkia screamed and flailed his arms like a scared anime girl.  
Oddish sighed at the dumb legendary and used sweet scent on Palkia. The spaghetti raised itself in curiosity as it smelled the... questionable scent and rushed up Palkia's leg. Palkia jumped into the wheelbarrow in fear and all the weed flew into the main city. Palkia cried for his weed as he realised what his fat butt had done and the spaghetti was on his head. Oddish jumped onto Palkia's wheelbarrow.  
"Palkia chill!" Oddish said, laughing at his reaction.  
"HOW CAN I CHILL WHEN THERE'S A SPAGHETTI MONSTER ON MY HEAD?! AND ALL MY WEED'S GONE!" Palkia grabbed Oddish and shook him.

Oddish sighed at the spaghetti which was wiggling around (still on Palkia's head). "Ditto, I know that's you: get off Palkia's head."  
The spaghetti slid off Palkia's head, leaving a trail of tomato sauce. "Wheeee!" the spaghetti said gleefully.  
"OH MY GOD IT TALKED!" Palkia screamed.  
"Well, that's because-" Oddish was interrupted.  
"I'm Ditto!" the spaghetti said from outside the wheelbarrow. "See?" the spaghetti fused and turned into a happy lilac blob.  
"Ohhhhhh!" Palkia exclaimed as he saw Ditto's little beady eyes. "Hi buddy! I didn't see you! I was distracted by the spaghetti monster!"  
Oddish walked into a wall and facepalmed (because he had no hands). "Ditto _was_ the spaghetti monster you idiot- did you not see the eyes on the spaghetti?"  
"You're so high Oddish- spaghetti doesn't have eyes!" Palkia remarked.  
"Yeah, _Oddish_!" Ditto span his neckless head around and swayed from side to side. "Spaghetti don't have no eyes bruh!"  
Oddish blinked. "I have no words." he muttered.

Palkia looked at his wheelbarrow again and wailed "MY WEED'S GONE! NOW I'M NEVER GOING TO PAY THOMAS DA DANK ENGINE OR GET HIGH EVER AGAIN!"  
"Then let's look for it!" Ditto suggested excitedly. "It flew into the main city so that's where we should look!"  
Palkia looked at the crowds of humans walking by and hid behind the wheelbarrow. "I can't."  
"Why?" Ditto said. "You're Palkia! You can do anything!"  
"B-but the paparazzi! They'll stalk me! And when Arceus finds out that I've been getting more paparazzi than him, he'll make sure I never leave the alley again! I can't just go out there like this!"  
Ditto put a little round arm on his double chin. "Hmmm..."  
"Quick Ditto! Oddish hissed. "Before Palkia thinks about smoking me!"  
"Got it!" Ditto wore a smug devilish look on his face. "I'll transform into a human and put you guys on leads! They'll think Palkia is just a clone from a trade and no paparazzi will come!"  
"Pokemon trainers use balls, Ditto..." Oddish said.  
"Palkia's too fat to go inside one! My plan is foolproof!"  
"But what if you accidentally... turn back into Ditto?" Oddish asked hesitantly.  
"Nah! My plan's foolproof! Come on Palkia! let's get that weed back!"  
"Yay! Weed!" Palkia cheered as Ditto transformed into a random human and miraculously found two leads for Palkia and Oddish.

The trio walked out onto the street which was covered in posh Kalosians.  
"Are you sure about this?" Oddish said uncomfortably as he looked at human Ditto's simplistic face.  
"Yeah! It's not like I turned into anyone important! I'm just a pretty little boring girl with a Pikachu rucksack and school shoes!"  
"Oh shut up Oddish! Nobody will suspect a little girl looking for drugs with her pet Oddish and her pet Palkia!" Palkia made an 'uwu' face  
"Yeah... Sure you are..." Oddish sighed- for Ditto had not turned into a mundane little girl...

He had transformed into Professor Sycamore, one of the most important and well known people in Kalos.


End file.
